15 Degrees of Insensitivity

According to the Oregonian, some starving Afghans are currently being "forced" to eat grass. Apparently this is important breaking news to the Oregonian, since they ran the story on their front page today. At first I wondered where in the desert those Afghani were getting the grass, but then I realized it probably grows wild all around those abundant poppy fields. Which brings me to wonder why they don't make poppy seed muffins instead of grass bread. For that matter, why don't they just smoke some poppies and forget it all?

Anyway, my favorite quote from the story is: "'We are waiting to die. If food does not come, if the situation does not change, we will eat this . . . until we die,' said Ghalam Raza, a 42-year-old man with a hacking cough, pain in his stomach and bleeding bowels."

Now that's brilliant. "Hey, I've been eating this grass but my stomach really hurts and also the inside of my ass is cross-hatched with oozing grass cuts, so um can I please have seconds? Also, *cough* *THUD*." (Falls over dead.)

Today was just not a great news day in the food department. Dave Thomas, founder of "Wendy's" died. When I was growing up, I refused to eat at Wendy's because someone had told me that they put ground up worms in their burgers. Now the founder of Wendy's is about to be shoved in the ground to himself be eaten by worms. Funny how it all comes full circle, while also creating a lasting mental image that will forever prevent me from eating at Wendy's again. Good christ, what if they eventually put some of the worms that eat Dave into their burgers? No way, I'd rather eat that goddamn grass.

Speaking of which, how do you put a bandaid on the inside of your ass without it sticking to all the hair?

 

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