Monday, November 19, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]

Those fingers in my hair, That sly come-hither stare,
That strips my conscience bare, It's witchcraft!

I saw "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" over the weekend. Obviously, I am now a Satanist. My conversion was quick and absolute, brought about by the subtle subtext of a movie that trivializes the battle between Good™ and Evil®; by the even more subtle subliminal messages and pictures of disgustingly naked fornication inserted between frames in the climactic (where else?) scenes; and, of course, by the hulkingly brutish recruiter for my local branch of the Church of Satan©, who was waiting outside the theatre with a vial of sodium pentothol, a steel whip, a stack of Hustler magazines, and an iron will.

Basking in the glow of my benevolent, if strict, new master Lucifer¥, Father of Lies€, I can finally understand why I've always had so much trouble relating those around me. God£ made people stupid. He had a reason, of course: stupid people are more easily manipulated. But after 2,000 years of pounding His¿ Word‰ into our mush-like brains so that we might better serve Him±, one movie has come along and reversed His¢ every effort in the blink of an eye. How can this be?

I submit, my friends, that if a student does poorly in class, it reflects most upon the ability of his teacher.