Thursday, November 15, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]

Voltrox Labs
Presents:

A Testimonial

For me, a herpes outbreak used to mean five whole days of treatment, putting me out of circulation for almost a week! Then I discovered the revolutionary Voltrox Lights Out!™ system and everything changed. Now, when I have an outbreak but I still want to get "intimate" with some guy I just met on the bus ride home, I merely activate the Voltrox Lights Out!™ system, jump right on him, and go to town. No more uncomfortable conversations...no more slathery goo. I just turn the lights out and he never knows what hit him! And, as an added bonus, the Voltrox Lights Out!™ system also enables me to add other men, farm animals, and industrial machinery to the mix, without my partner ever knowing! Wow! — Suzy Oolong

Ask your doctor if Voltrox Lights Out!™ is right for you!*

* There is no cure for herpes. Voltrox Lights Out!™ only allows you to pursue the unhealthily promiscuous lifestyle to which you are horribly addicted, you dirty tramp, without going through all that hoopla recounting your sexual history and pointing to private areas while asking, "Have you ever seen anything like that before?" Although Voltrox Lights Out!™ won't stop you from spreading crotch-rot to your sexual partners, Voltrox Labs is confident that you would find a way to do so even if our product attempted to prevent it. People like you are the reason we at Voltrox Labs stopped having sex altogether. We at Voltrox Labs vehemently deny that our celibacy has anything to do with a sexual dysfunction on our part and besides, even if it did, we at Voltrox Labs hear that it's very common anyway. Voltrox Lights Out!™ should not be used by pregnant women, children under 12, or Missourans. Voltrox Lights Out!™ will not relieve any symptoms of herpes so for god's sake, STOP PICKING AT IT!