Saturday, November 10, 2001 [by:SpaceBass feat:SilentBob]

NewsFlash!
Angry Robot Runs Amok In Downtown Portland

PORTLAND, OR (M15D)— An enormous robot wreaked havoc on downtown Portland today, leaving lists of dead and injured too extensive to reprint here. The rampaging robot in question was over 100 feet tall, it's physical size exceeded in fear-factor only by it's apparent fury, sources reported.

Authorities have not yet released a statement about the nature or origins of the malevolent marauder, citing an ongoing investigation. It is also unclear what plans are being made to deal with the immediate threat of a ten-story self-mobile machine armed to the teeth and in an incredibly bad mood.

Reports that the robot menace belongs to one SilentBob are as yet unconfirmed, however this reporter can't help but come to the same conclusion, considering it is his birthday and there were numerous reports of the enraged juggernaut being "...'fleet of foot,' if you know what I mean. Ha ha. Ow." [BTW, Happy Birthday, SilentBob! — Ed.]

SilentBob was himself unavailable for comment, citing the fact that he was hiding under a car. But that didn't prevent him from sharing with us his amateur video from just moments ago. [Disclaimer: Contents are of a graphic nature. Do not view video if you enjoy "Sweating to the Oldies."]   View Video