Wednesday, October 31, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]

I've been working out like a bastard since April. I started after seeing this item in Wired.com's Ephemerae, that little sidebar news tiddlebit they have:

To Your Health - April 21, 2001
This will certainly provoke a tempest in a D-cup, but here it is, straight out of the New England Journal of Medicine: Men who stare at women's exposed breasts are healthier and live longer than those who don't. A German study, apparently on the up-and-up, concludes that a good 10-minute ogle each day lowers the blood pressure, slows the pulse and generally reduces the threat of heart disease and stroke. Dr. Karen Weatherby, who led the study, said the effects of staring at a well-endowed woman is the rough equivalent of a 30-minute aerobics workout. Well, then, if it's a matter of health....

I think it's fairly obvious why this prompted me to pursue a rigorous exercise routine. Obviously, I am very concerned with my health and overall well-being. So every day since late April, often even twice or fourteen times a day, I have been doing a 30-minute aerobics workout in ten minutes. Until today.

I really don't think that it's the place of certain unnamed, unqualified, non-medical persons to try to tell me that staring at their breasts isn't exercise and, what's more, that it's wrong. I mean, of course I didn't tell them that I was using them as a workout machine, but that's only because they would've made a huge stink, just like they are now. All I want to do is be healthy, yet here they are trying to kill me. To tell you the truth, even if they asked me to resume my workouts, I wouldn't in good conscience—
oh god, look at the cans on her. Uhhhh, I gotta go...um...work out...yeah. Damn!