Tuesday, October 30, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]—[thanks:Geneva]

It's a sorry day indeed when you get your ass kicked by an enormous foot with many sharp teeth, recently flossed. On a day such as this, chomping at the bit is the least of your worries.

Let me tell you a story about a man named Jane. All his life his family prayed he'd remain sane. Then one day, while sorting through his mail, Jane keeled over from heart failure. When they read his will, it turned out Jane had left his entire estate to a 'No Parking' sign on Ventura Boulevard. I'm sure that if the millions that he claimed to have made by selling a rotary-phone auto-dialler to the telephone companies had ever materialized, the moral to this story would be to be nice to the crazies, 'cause they'll turn on ya. And sometimes they have sharp objects and when they can move through multiple dimensions, it's hard to see 'em comin'.

But don't take my word for it, ask an authority figure. Mommy told you Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were real but the Boogey Man wasn't. Now that you're older and you know Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy aren't real, what does that tell you about the Boogey Man? Think about it. Chilling.

Speaking of which, someone should turn up the heat. Don't let a silly thing like the full moon on All Hallow's Eve scare ya—even if it is a blue moon to boot—there are far more pressing issues to deal with.