Life ain't fair. Deal with it.

Monday, December 4, 2000 [by:SpaceBass]

Thinking about that jackass the other day pissed me off. So much so that I was so abstracted, I was no longer paying attention to what I was doing. So, you can imagine my surprise when I looked up from my dinner and saw twelve saucer-sized eyes staring back at me from three different heads. I managed not to drop my fork.

I'm not talking about your garden-variety, cute and cuddly little E.T.-style aliens here either, I'm talking twice the size of a human, scaled skin, long claws, the face of Bea Arthur, and of course the four eyes (sans glasses -- "Hey, Eight-eyes! HAHAHAHA!")

"We need your spleen," the spokesalien said. "It is the only thing that can save our world from utter destruction. We will be gentle. Also, you will continue to exist, for we have an artificial spleen with which to replace it."

I said, "Shit, whatever. I saw this plot on the late-late movie a few weeks ago, piss off." They tried to persuade me further but I hit the trapdoor button under the dinner table and took care of that.

Later, I was rummaging through the kitchen and I found a box of cookies that I didn't know I had. Yum!

It all goes to show that something good can come from a SpaceBass after all. But don't count on it.