Life ain't fair. Deal with it.

Wednesday, November 29, 2000 [by:SpaceBass]

They found my naked body out by the bay. It had gathered an enormous pile of twigs and shiny objects of which it was rabidly protective. Apparently, it had recently been attempting to start a fire by rubbing two dead birds together, judging by the mangled corpses found in a shallow pit. Investigators were unable to determine why it hadn't eaten the dead birds but instead chose to feast on a meal it had made from leaves and its own turd. They contacted me yesterday to see if I wanted my body back. I said I'd have to think about it.