Thursday, March 15, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]

Flames Engulf Hemp Clothing Factory.
Hippies Say, "Right On, Man!"

DEWDROP, INDIANA (M15D) - A local clothing factory was the victim of a four-alarm fire this morning. The twist? The clothes that this factory made were manufactured from hemp, the raw fiber material harvested from industrial marijuana plants. Numerous long-haired bystanders who watched with glazed eyes as firefighters battled the blaze grinned maniacally while repeatedly mentioning that fact to this reporter, along with constantly asking if this reporter "had any doughnuts or cookies or some shit on [him]."

While it is widely known that industrial hemp has little to no medicinal value due to its very low content of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the mild hallucinogenic ingredient in marijuana, there was speculation amongst the crowd that the fire might have been intentionally set, "like sparking the biggest bowl you ever saw, man. Like, it's so obvious." Authorities refused to respond to questioning about the possibility of arson, citing an ongoing investigation.

This reporter did become severely lightheaded during the information-gathering process, although that was most likely caused by the ritual "passing of the bong before answering any more damn questions" engaged in with the hippie bystanders.