Monday, February 26, 2001 [by:SpaceBass]

Sproing

It may still only be February, but here in Oregon spring is in the air. How can I tell? The squirrel down the street is out doing pull-ups on one of his tree branches. I can't be sure of what his new exercise regimen may be a harbinger, but it still worries me. I'm bothered by the numerous empty steroid containers littering the ground at the base of his tree, and frightened further by the fact that his little squirrel muscles are now bigger than mine. I'd be surprised if he could reach past those bulges even to wipe his own ass.

With spring on it's way, it's time again for that yearly tradition of little girls hitting the streets to hawk their wares. By wares, of course, I mean cookies and not pirated software or self-prostitution. Mmmm-mmm! There's nothing better than fresh girl scout cookies made with real girl scouts. Hahahaha, okay, I'm just kidding about the ingredients but I'm sure those girl scouts will get a kick out of it. I also bet the underpaid asian children slaving away in the sweatshop girl scout kitchens will appreciate a laugh as they are beaten mercilessly for using a little too much flour in that batch. I have to say, those scouts really should stick to the cookies, because besides making tummies everywhere incredibly happy for a very short time, it's just a hell of a lot more wholesome idea than one recently proposed alternative.