Life ain't fair. Deal with it.

Monday, December 18, 2000 [by:SpaceBass]

I woke up one morning and instead of getting dressed, I threw my robe on and went outside. There was a big pile of leaves on my front porch. Who the heck would dump a pile of leaves on my porch in the middle of the night? I heard a slight buzzing in my ears and it was almost as if I had awakened again, for the world fuzzed and cleared in a split second and I realized that the pile on my porch did not after all consist of leaves but of a multitude of squirrel bodies. I looked around but there was no one in sight.

I was just about to go back inside when I woke up. I was still strapped to the rack and one of the squirrels had just cut the power to the electrodes. The others were chittering madly and gesticulating at me as if I cared. One threw a nut that hit me on the forehead. I felt a wet trickle start slowly down my face. I tried to spit across the room at them, then closed my eyes and laid my head back down. The chittering got louder and that one threw the switch again, coursing jolts of pain through my body.

I woke up to the chittering sound of my alarm clock, which seemed rather odd. Instead of getting dressed, I threw my robe on and went outside. There was a big pile of leaves on my front porch. I sat down right there and I ate the entire pile.

P.S. Monkey nads.